Will you give me some hope? (very long)?

Hello. My life feels so empty. I am eighteen years old, just graduated from high school with no immediate plans for college. I wish I could start in the fall, but I didn't apply to anywhere. Nevermind that. My father walked out on my family when I was about 11. My older brother moved out a little while ago. My mother and I are not close, in fact we can't stand each other. My mom is from Brazil, and I have a huge family over there apparently, though I haven't seen them since I was 3 -- It is just my mother and I here in America now, and it can get pretty lonely sometimes because we don't talk to each other and we seclude ourselves in our own room. I wish I had a loving mother-daughter relationship with her more than anything in this world, and I've wished that for years on end. However, it is impossible because she doesn't wish to fix things, and she chooses to dwell in the bad past and hold grudges. She is a very harsh person. A hypocrite, narcissistic, rude, manipulative, loud, careless, thoughtless, forgetful, overbearing, thoughtless, depressing, always worried, and usually angry for some reason. She picks fights with me constantly, and although I truly want to have patience with her, she doesn't make it easy. I'm sick of her attitude towards me, but she barely feels like she's at fault. She is considerably older than I am, 56 now. I thought menopause is playing a role in her violent mood swings, but sometimes I fear it may be a mental disorder, just based on her actions. It scares me that I may be losing my mother to something like that. I myself often feel alienated by her. And she alienates me from my friends. I took theatre and choir, which I have a passion for, and made many friends from there, but I think that everyone fears my mom (they joke about it with me too saying "You're mom is scary!") too much to hang out with me. And I bet they believe that even if they did ask me to hang out she wouldn't allow it. I know I'm 18, but I can't drive yet, and I'm only now applying for summer jobs, so she is my ride for everything. Ugh... I have social phobia, and always think people a judging me, so with a mom like mine it just makes my situation worse. I'm missing my best friends graduation party right this very moment because I'm too scared to go. I've screwed myself over plenty of times because of my damn fear; missed out on a lot of great opportunities. Uhh, I think I'll even go as far to say I've never had a boyfriend, or been kissed. I cry because I hate my mom, but I don't want her to die before we patch things up. I know hate is a strong word, but I have all the reason to say I hate her for the ridiculous things she's done. When we get in fights, nothing brings her out of her fit of rage, nothing. She yells over me and I never get a word in edge wise. She hardly knows anything about me anymore, nor do I with her, so we're basically estranged. I know that she's taken up smoking something... which she's very bad at hiding from me. That worries me if it could be illegal. Oh boy what can I tell you? I'm sure my family was dysfunctional from the very start, since my mom keeps telling me how my father screwed her life up and mine and my brother's. My brother actually is living with my father now we found out, working and saving up money, and he seems happy from the messages he sends me. Although it pissed my mom off more than anything at first, since she hates my dad. My mom also has this thing about always bringing my dad into our daily arguments, and how if I don't like it here I should just "go live with him". As if... I barely know that dude anymore, and if he's the one responsible for bringing me and my mom all this anguish why would I go live with him now?! She doesn't understand that I don't take sides, and that I'm not always against her point of view. I'm rambling now... my point of typing this was to tell people I'm sad, and I feel lonely, and scared, and hurt, and confused, and worried, and anxious, and since there is no one else to express myself to I'm asking you to please give me words of advice, and hope and courage. I used to be good at composing myself when I was younger, but now that I'm a young adult without a planned future it's really difficult. If you could calm my nerves, I will be so grateful. Thank you for reading my terribly long post. (I'm really bad at getting to the point right away.)